Are There No Good Black Men – Really…?

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I don’t know if like me, wherever you are in the world that women are often heard saying ‘There are NO good men’ and depending on your preference, this is swiftly followed by the phrase ‘Annnnnd, there are even less good BLACK men’. Look – I’m going to be honest with you, I too have said this MANY (& I mean MANY) a time, but  surprisingly actually over the course of this year, a number of things of happened to make me dispel this myth and cause me to actually write a blog about it.
A lot of my close friends and family have gotten married/engaged to good black men – in fact when I think about it, most of my friends are in great relationships – I am the token single girl
A large number (and by that I mean more than 6) of black men have started working in my office – all of whom seem to be nice family orientated with good jobs
And I myself have met and been introduced to a number of guys who have actually changed my opinion of the state of the Black men in the UK.
Sadly I wasn’t interested in these said guys, BUT – they were  all stable (mentally and financially), kind, caring, family orientated, friendly, on a decent career path etc and I was VERY much pleasantly surprised
I almost wanted to ask the question a la Rhianna ‘ WHERRRRRRRRE HAVE YOU BEEN, ALL MY LIFE, ALL OF MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Moving on,  The Best Man Holiday -the follow up to the iconic Black Film ‘The Best Man’ opens in the UK (prob for a VERY short and limited time – which is ANOTHER blog post) and I am very excited for a number of reasons, not least because I have been in love with Taye Diggs since secondary school!

But more so, because I think the WORLD, and especially me and my friends in my little corner of the world in Bristol, England need to be reminded that there are some GREAT black men around, and if you look  around you might just meet one and with a little bit of luck they may look like any one of these men!!!

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What is going on with this world…?!!?!

Syria and Assad

Kenya and al-Shabab

I literally have no words, read an article on Al Jazeera yesterday about the journalistic reporting now and to come about the massacre in the Westgate shopping centre in Nairobi.

In my office, the topic of discussion is what did you do this weekend, what will you have for tea (the word tea in place of the word dinner warrants another blog post all on it’s own – anyway!) and what they plan to do on the weekend. Nobody seems concerned about the people who walked into a shopping centre and were held at gunpoint or murdered for THREE WHOLE DAYS! I personally don’t understand it – but I know that we need to ‘keep the people of Syria & Kenya in our prayers.

We may not know their names or their stories, but they are part of our family, the human family.’

heartbreak and toothache…..

I have DEFINITLY had my fair share of heartbreak over my short (ahem) life, some of it my fault – MOST of it not, but it’s a funny thing heartbreak, it makes you very selfish and if you’re not careful you very quickly turn into a self absorbed, self obsessed bitter church going bible-toting woman – hello somebody.
When I was dealing with my little heartache, I realised that this happens everyday and on much grander scales than I have experienced.

  • Jazmine Sullivan – her boyfriends family tried to sue her, her boyfriend then broke up with her
  • RHOA – Porsha Stewart – her HUSBAND locked her our of the house & then served her divorce papers
  • Rhianna and Chris Brown – we ALL know what happened here (both times)
  • Chrisette Michele and Wale – this guy treated my FAVE musician of all time DIIIRRTTTTYYYYY

In my 28th year of life I realised the following:
people break up
It is life
I therefore need to get over it
Nobady is gonna wipe my tears
he/she/it does not care about my tears
Soooo I MUS’ can pick myself up so i can be popping for the next somebady who I choose to let inna my life

Sometimes when things fall apart is when they are actually falling into place.‏….

O and my tooth broke last week – 😦

Secrets & Lies

Something happened to me today, someone VERY close to me lied to me, lied to my face…
I can tolerate most things – but LYING I absolutely hate..
Why is it, that we lie to the ones closest to us..?

And when we do lie, we know we’re lying & most times the person we lie too knows we’re lying too.

‘What a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive’

Eraser

Anybody else used to use those eraser pens in secondary school, they had 2 tips and were for erasing fountain pens..?
They looked a bit like this:-

I wish I could erase certain situations out of my life.. hmm if only life was so simple!

Outsider…

Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in…..?

I do

I have done

And I think I have always felt like this – simple a necessary evil of being a child of a divorce and uprooting and leaving your home city at a young age.

I have lived in Bristol since I was 8, but I have never really felt like it was my home.
I’m now embarking on a move to the big smoke and as I do so,  I wonder if I will feel like London isn’t my home either…

Hmmmmm

I wonder if Im really running from something and I should just go back to Manchester…?

xxxx

 

ESS

I think I am experiencing shock…not TSS, or PTSD but ESS.
Emotional shock syndrome

I feel like a robot – honestly I cannot express how I feel, but I hope this feeling shifts soon – becasue I can’t go on much longer like this.

I dont know when I am going to learn the lesson, where I stop allowing people to affect me and controlling my emotions, but I need to learn it and learn it quickly.

Secrets…

 

I have a secret I want to share with you.
For the past few weeks, I have been hearing AMAZING testimonies from a lot of different people about crazy stories of Faith, fate, luck and ‘perchance’. These stories are awe-inspiring, faith changers –  basically miracles in and of themselves of God’s amazing, continuos ever present power in our lives…

But these stories aren’t my own testimony, they are other people’s.
For about a year I have really felt inspired by other people’s stories, but not my own – why is that?
Why do I not feel that God is giving me AMAZING, JAW DROPPING experiences for me to tell others about, heck for me to tell myself about…?

Is it because it’s not his will for my life right now…?
Do I not deserve it… am I taking my little life for granted, do we only get LIFE CHANGING testimonies for a time and a season – did I already receive my quote, have I used it all up..?

Is this a wake up call for me, am I doing something wrong…..

I don’t know. All I do know is that it’s frustrating for me and more than a little worrying

 

Hmmmmmm

In His Time…..

Sooo much has changed since I wrote my last blog – and looking back from where I was at the start of the year, all I can say is that everything,  ERRYTHANG happens in HIS time.

For real
I know,  that I have asked God for a lot of things in the past and it’s only now that it seems like it’s coming to fruition…
I dont know why it’s only JUST happening for me now, but I do know that I trust God, and he doesnt withold any good things from his children and so if it’s happening now, in this exact way, it’s because God ordained it.

This past month I have been wishing, hoping, crying out to find a new job,  something away from where I currently live, something that pays more and something that will fufill me – I’ve applied to a few places and not been successful and as a result of that I have become despondant, angry and hurt…. how quickly I’ve forgotten what God has done for me in the past!

Even writing this short entry has made me realise that I need to trust God, ( & I mean TOTALLY trust him with everything)
Im gonna get a new job, in HIS time and not before…

This is where Faith is tested, right now the only thing left for me to do is to exercise some patience ( I better put that on my prayer list!)

Love this song from James Fortune – sums up perfectly what I have been trying to say!

Peace in the Middle East Y’all

x

Titles & Looking glasses

I was always taught that you put family first, I try to do that with my own family, but I have since realised -esp this evening, that those who taught me that, do not live by that same rule… it’s actually a big facade..

Last night I stumbled upon a guy called JustMike_ who changed my way of thinking..
A poet from South Philadelphia – who just speaks the truth!

Anyways it occurred to me, that we give a lot of notion to people who hold specific titles in our lives, like boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, mother, daughter, etc and when they treat us wrong we excuse it… well this evening i can’t.  This evening is the day I stand up and stand against foolishness… i think it’s going to have some serious repercussions for me.. but as someone said to me today:
‘such is life’.

Not sure I believe in the phrase ‘family first’ – in fact Im not sure those who taught me that ever believed that.

I Think I have finally grown up.
I’ve realised that not everyone who says they love you, actually does, and they certainly dont wish success for you.
Hurts when they are friends, sure but hurts even more when it’s your family.

27 year old female who finally put down the looking glass